Presenting:
What Not To Do...
Life is tough all over. We don't cry about it or bring a gun to the movies. Life follows a near static set of rules just like anything else and if you're not where you want to be, you probably don't give these rules the proper amount of respect. Well congratulations because the first step in the process is admitting the problem. If you're reading this, than you are admitting that what you are doing is not working. Not cool enough? Not as strong as others? Problems getting the girl? Maybe you lack in multiple categories. I can help.
We're not all born cool. We're not all born adept at making friends. As a matter of fact, very few of us naturally draw affection from others. It takes planned effort and an understanding of how things actually work to reap the rewards of a charmed existence. Success in life is not a given. If you can agree that life and ones social standing is subject to certain "rules" or "laws" than you can only deduce that if you're not where you want to be, it's because you're not following the rules. I have seen the ugliest man in the building pull more a** than Ron Jeremy. I have witnessed the most unlikely of hero's save the day and have watched the meek have inherit the head cheerleader. It's absolutely possible that this can happen naturally but a little understanding of the psychology behind it will make it probable.
Good looks can only get your foot in the door, the rest is personality and this can be shaped and molded. You have to understand that a personality is the accumulation of social skills that you picked up from others during your formative years. We rarely give our personality a second thought but we should. Insight of self is very important. You need to know how people react to you and what behavior you were exhibiting that gained each particular reaction and tweak accordingly. Most of us are already Cool inside our own heads but a lot gets lost in the translation because, other people as a whole, or a group of people within a particular social class, or even your 10th grade homeroom, will see you a lot differently than you see yourself and judge you accordingly. That's a fact. These judgements happen quickly and without mercy. Nearly everyone you meet will quantify you according to the unwritten guidelines of being slick, smooth or pimp. Most of us choose to believe that others just don't see how down we really are. We choose to believe that we are simply misunderstood. This is acceptance. You've allowed others to place you on a tier of their choosing and have accepted the results. This classification has a way of following you throughout your entire life. Your social standing in middle school will carry into High School and will probably permeate into everything you will ever do. The closer you become to the bottom (the kid that had lice and wears the plastic NIKE's with a checkmark underneath. Not a swoosh. A frickin' checkmark)the more life stacks against you. The middle is OK but at the top is Cool. That's where you want to be. You want to be Cool. Being Cool will benefit you in nearly everything you do. I'm not saying that being Cool will ensure success, but life so often puts you within inches of the goal line and self assuredness is paramount to distinguishing yourself from the group. You will tolerate greater risk in your choices and reap greater reward. The sure-footed man will prove the path and encourage followers. The more followers you have behind you means less traffic in front of you.
The rules are hard for most people to pin down so you rarely see them in writing and most of what you do see is bull sh*t. This is not bullsh*t. I was blessed to be born good looking and smart(it doesn't hurt to be well-kempt either). I wasn't born very cool but I was smart enough to quickly figure it out once puberty hit. A pussy hair can pull a train and I did whatever I had to do get laid.
A few changes in the way you carry yourself doesn't mean that you're
pretending to be something that you're not. It simply shows that you recognize fault or shortcomings in yourself and have the confidence and discipline to change them. Emulating what you want to be is the only way to ensure a real change in character. Fake it 'till you make it. The behaviors below are fundamental and influence your actions and responses at a root level. Integrate a few of these into daily life and be thorough. Half-assing or discounting the importance of truly committing yourself to the action will only succeed in making you look schizo and blaming poor results on me.
Be patient. You only get one chance at a first impression. It's true. You will only be truly and consciously measured by another person once. So, if you're moving to a new workplace or school- great. Best-case scenario is a fresh start, otherwise it will take awhile to really change the form of you. The subconscious mind is a slow worker and you need it to form new memories, which it hardly ever does, and selectively replace tiny snippets of archived memory that has already been chemically mapped. Your new behavior has to be passively noticed which won't be easy, it's hard to overwrite a loud memory with a quiet one and most of this list contains behavior of low key and low key doesn't grab attention very easily. You will have to actively train your brain to make these changes-to remind yourself but within 3 weeks or so, it'll be pretty natural and automatic. Don't expect feedback or visible results. Like I said- be patient. Life is a marathon and you have plenty of time.
Below is a checklist (kinda). Read it and check off any that apply to you. Don't lie to yourself. It's stupid. And if you have to read any of these more than once, you're looking for an excuse and I suggest you just check it off. The list is self-explanatory.
What NOT to do...
- Speak without a point. The more you talk, the less people will listen. Consider talking as an expense and make it count. Mean everything you say. This gives you gravity. When you do talk, speak softly. Make them work to hear you. This gives you respect as the effort involved in listening to you will be obvious to all.
- Produce un-needed negativity. It's petty and looks ugly on you. Don't put other people (or things) down or talk about them. It'll be subconsciously recognized as an agenda or an attempt to influence others to feel as you do.
- Settle for anything less than the your first choice. Leaving with less than you came for signals weakness and undermines gravity. Compromise only if it suits you and never too quickly. Leaving empty handed is better than leaving with what no one else wanted. Desperation is for the chumps. Keep preferences and expectations to yourself. If you leave with the big squishy, act as if you adore the big squishy above all others.
- Aim high. The world is your oyster and 2's will come after 10's if needed but a 10 will never, ever, ever follow a 2. Aim high and be persistant.
- Lose your cool. Because you will lose your cool. Control of yourself is among the bare minimum of expectations.
- Keep poor company. Association is paramount to everything. Loneliness will serve you more than any amount of lopsided friendships.
- Explain your actions. Sometimes it's harmless but usually, it's an explanation and an explanation is just a plea for validation.
- Seek validation. The need for validation from others is for the weak and/or unsure. Removes from your gravity.
- Apologize without true need. Brad Pitt doesn't apologize because he ate the last bowl of cereal. Fuck you. Eat oatmeal.
- Get caught in a lie. Be careful with your lies. A lie implies shame of action. People rarely forgive and never forget it.
- Be caught unprepared. It'll still happen but you can minimize it with little effort. Have an answer for everything without blowing smoke. an "I don't know" is bad but stupid bullsh*t is worse.
- Kiss and tell. Unless you're 13ish. Some people find this difficult. The reward of discovery by a source other than you will be greater than anything you gain by telling anyone yourself. It's nearly impossible to say it without it coming off as bragging. (includes "smell my finger")
- Take or do more than you can handle. Being called a pussy is much better than looking like a moron. Bet.
- Allow yourself to be embarrassed. I'm not talking about your cheeks flushing because of a girl. I mean, don't put yourself in a position to do something that you do badly or allow anyone else to put you in that position. Admitting defeat may sometimes be the best option. Humiliation is embarrassment that is deliberately caused by another in an effort to undermine you. This can rarely go unanswered, but above all else, mantain your dignity.
- Be Visible. You must differentiate yourself from the others by proving your worth. This can come from anywhere. Choose wisely.
- Fail to recognize situations that call for humility. Everyone is drawn to confidence but confidence is a close cousin to cockiness. Cockiness can be positive but you had better f*ckin' deliver. If you question the outcome, trade cockiness for humility as quickly as possible. Humility, when done right, should look like generosity. No one likes a sore loser. Winning and losing should look the same. Mostly.
- Allow yourself to be trapped. Most of these situations can be avoided by thinking a few moves ahead. Play out the whole story and anticipate every response for every action. Always leave a way out for everyone involved unless you have a sure win. If the situation has you at odds with another, plan your rival a way out that will leave his testicles intact. Make sure that this opening comes at least 2 moves before you are forced to commit. Always know how much juice it will take to justify the squeeze.
Your reputation is a measure of your gravity. Points are easy to lose but can only be lost by action. The less you do means the less you can do wrong. Gaining a point back is difficult so it's wise not to risk the points you already have. Don't sell them cheaply and don't volunteer yourself for dumb sh*t. If nothing good can come of it, why do it? Risk vs. Reward.
